Everybody sing like it's the last song you will ever sing.

Andre.

2009-10-13T15:50:00.001+08:00

When I was younger I saw my daddy cry
And curse at the wind
He broke his own heart and I watched as he tried
To reassemble it
And my momma swore that she would never let herself forget
And that was the day that I promised
I'd never sing of love if it does not exist

But darling...You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception

Well maybe I know somewhere deep in my soul
That love never lasts
And we've got to find other ways to make it alone
Or keep a straight face
And I've always lived like this keeping a comfortable Distance
And up until now i swored to myself that I'm content with loneliness
Because none of it was ever worth the risk

Well...You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception

I've got a tight grip on reality
But I can't let go of whats part of me here
i know you're leaving in the morning when you wake up
Leave me of some kind of proof it's not a dream

You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
And I'm on my way to believing
Oh and I'm on my way to believing

It was time for a change

2009-10-08T13:56:00.002+08:00

hi. :D I doubt anyone will read this, because I haven't bothered to write in so long. Well, I have a new boyfriend. :D and i'm so crazy about him, so crazy in love. hahaha. shit i'm terrible though, I left John behind. But to be perfectly honest, despite all the things I promised, I'm never going back. Never. The grass really is greener on the other side. And the funniest thing is, as much as I loved him, as soon as I stepped into school after breaking up with him, I felt so free. Like I'd just gotten out of a cage. Well, not a small tiny cramped cage, but a cage nonetheless. I was controlled yet happy, and still I've never been so happy with someone like I am with Andre. The age gap doesn't even matter. If I were twenty it wouldn't be an issue. it's the whole teen thing. Anyway it's only a one year difference from my age now. So it's not like it matters. I love him. :)

LMAO

2009-08-04T16:40:00.001+08:00

hello, hello, hello how low?

2009-07-31T15:24:00.003+08:00

wow, i haven't written in so long. I guess alot has changed. Or maybe nothing at all. All those important people in my life are the same, except with a few additions. The people who make my day better are a little different though.FYP presentation is over for now, so after this we'll be moving on to the next part. Things with John are fine, although i hardly see him now. We haven't been fighting much. Mo died recently, and we buried her earlier this week. I was surprised that I was as sad as i was. When I went to work, the same morning I found out she'd died( i also removed her from her cage. she was stiff, probably in rigor mortis), I was thinking about it all the way to work, and I even started tearing.And it was so difficult to tell Rohan what had happened, why I was so quiet that morning.

Audrey is leaving soon, so I need to get her a birthday present before she leaves. I can't think of something to save my life by the way. I know what i'm giving her because she's leaving, but i've yet to tackle that. I think it'll take alot of work... I can't believe she's leaving in less than a month. She's been the only constant in my life for the past few years. :( HOW DO I LEEEEVVVVVEEEE WIDOUT UUUUU

one of the peeps who makes my day. :))

Emotion overload

2009-04-30T14:01:00.002+08:00

ugh. I'm pissed because Bear deleted me off facebook, wtf. HE added me, and i'm the one who should be having problems with him, and not the other way around. I know it's damn childish, and I shouldn't give a shit, but it's really upsetting to me! Funny thing is what bothers me the most is actually that by now I really shouldn't be bothering at all what any of them are doing. It really sucks though. We used to be close. and then everything fucked up along the way. It's his fault though isn't it? I tellz you, this whole thing is like breaking up. I knew it wouldn't last, but it was awesome while it did. Like I had somewhere I belonged. Then I found out about us breaking up from someone else. And that's not how it's supposed to be. Then now when i see any of them, it's like I miss their company. But something in me hates their guts. And now i'm so confused. I don't know how I feel.

On top of that, worrying and worrying over FYP is really bothering me. There are so many things i'm supposed to have done and supposed to be doing that i'm not. Argh. I hate school. :'(

Back to school

2009-04-20T15:49:00.000+08:00

I HATE SCHOOL. i'd rather be working.

Zoo job

2009-03-11T22:50:00.002+08:00

So I got this job right, my dream job? But I never really thought how tough it would be. I could complain about the blister on my toe, or the aching in my legs, or the almost entire loneliness because I don't really have anyone to relate to, but the toughest thing is that I can't find time for my boyfriend.
Chances are, I won't see him for days more, and honestly, even though I met him just yesterday, we didn't even have more than 5 minutes alone time because he was so busy. and i was feeling so pms-y about being neglected but I wanted to be supportive at the same time. For awhile i was at a loss as to what to say or whether to even say anything at all to him about it, and this cut down further on the only time we had because I was feeling so moody. I miss him. It's hard enough to find time to see him even when i'm completely free, and now when I have a seven day work week? Sigh. It sucks. hahaha. it's funny that when i applied for this job that i'd have no time for him, when right now it's that he has no time for me.

Back from the dead

2009-03-05T15:13:00.002+08:00

Wow, has it really been almost two months? haha. i guess in my head i felt like i blogged it but i didn't actually. and i'm sure that doesn't make any sense at all. Anywho, so much to say! Recently i went for training at the zoo, which was way awesome! got to feed so many animals without having to pay for the "token fee".The manatees/dugongs were my favourite to feed, the arapaimas(a type of freshwater fish) come in second place. Well, i failed the first assesment because i didn't have it all down, but i passed the second one, although definitely not with flying colours. so i'm just waiting to see when i'm gonna go in to work. :D Can't believe i'm actually going to work at the zoo.
Recently, John had a joint chalet. and i must say, i've always thought chalets were overrated and gross. hahah.they are, but at least with John as my company it ain't half bad ;) . It was the same bungalow as the last time, so it was a bit weird to be back there, and like looking at each part of the place and having brief flashes in my head of the times before. Those few days were so fun. But i've come to terms with the fact that going back to that with them will never happen. So i was the only girl for the first night, but then second night there was some girl. Who was so annoying to me, idk why. but she was, and she was even singing in the next room when i was sleeping. not like her voice sucked, but it wasn't good enough that she should be singing so fucking loudly. god, why do i have such bitchy feelings towards her? i figure she was nice enough but i kinda brushed her off. nevermind, won't ever be seeing her again. Anyway,that's all i have for now, gotta go force myself to understand chemistry.

I LOOOOVVVVEEEE CHEMGUIDE!

2009-01-20T16:43:00.002+08:00

Hello, i love chemguide so much, it gave me answers to my ut questions. BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. is it counted as cheating if i refered to a website i left open? :P anyway the faci didn't see me. AWESOME! hope i pass though. hmmm. i think i better not listen to what other peoples think is the answer. If not I might freak out if I find out mine is wrong. Anyway, i've got so much to update, like my recent inferiority complex crisis.yah. donch noes if dat is ryt. hardeeharhar. oh, and that interview.. SIGH I TOTALLY BLEW IT. they so won't call me.

so fucking tired. :C

2009-01-16T09:18:00.001+08:00

I really feel like sleeping. Like really. ARGH today chem doesn't have a worksheet. So there's no guide. All internet research. sigh...

some things I should have foreseen.

2009-01-13T15:26:00.004+08:00

"Please speak softly
or they will hear us
and they'll find out
why we don't trust them
Speak up dear
'cause I cannot hear you
I need to know
why we don't trust them

Where can I turn
'cause I need something more
Surrounded by uncertianty
I'm so unsure of...Tell me why I feel so alone
'cause I need to know
to whom do I owe

I thought
we'd make it
because you said
that we'd make it through
And when all security fails
you'd be there to help me through
Explain to me
this conspiracy against me, yeah
And tell me how
I lost my power, oh"
Conspiracy-Paramore

For some unknown reason, I was compelled to look at the BXH myspace. And I left it there for awhile and didn't really look at it, then I saw the playlists. And I saw let me bleed on the top of the playlist. It surprised me, why should they want to record let me bleed? It upset me for reasons I can't really define. Maybe a slight sense of belonging to the song( even though i know it's not mine) or maybe it's just because it feels like a betrayal to nep? Maybe. It's like recycling old songs for the purpose of having new songs for blindfold. Knowing Bear, he probably misses playing the song. And it is his of course, as far as i'm aware. but it still upsets me. Am I being stupid?? I mean it's the same as when I walked off on their set when they played it. arghhhhh. I'll just get over it like I always do. Nothing I can change right?

yes, one more thing. Last night I was complaining to John about my lack of singing ability, because of this weird ass sore throat I have, which prevents me hitting high notes, and he offered me help but I kept rejecting him and coming up with reasons. And he got upset with me, because he said I was being negative and giving up on myself. I suppose it was true to an extent, but I really didn't get a chance to explain myself properly. Other than that, the thing is, I still have reservations about singing for his band. Recently, because of an increasing lack of confidence in my voice, and two, because of the music they play, and three, because i'm afraid to be in the same band. I think most of all, i'm afraid to put my all into a band, only to have to deal with all this personal and emotional shit within myself in the end. Can I really take more of this? The wounds are still raw.

I'm so tired....

2009-01-13T14:01:00.003+08:00

Basically today my problem statement revolves around environmental laws that govern people. And it's so tedioustrying to decide something because it's so damn tedious, and there's so many loopholes and things that make it so defined that it's too difficult to prosecute anyway. argh. And i didn a large component of the ppt as well. i'm surprised Hirda left though, i didn't really expect that to happen. I'm so tired.. i just want to go home and sleep. and of course see john and collect my photo's from him. Oh yeah! Shawn came back yesterday.

i kissed a girl- katy perry

2009-01-12T15:14:00.003+08:00

1. Put your iTunes on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
we are broken -paramore
hahaha. imagine that.
WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
spotlight- Jennifer hudson
Isn't this what I don't like?
HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
always and never- silverstein

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
not good enough for the truth or cliché- etf

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
if i never see your face again- maroon 5

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
creature- atreyu
:C reeeellleeeey?
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
be be your love- Rachael yamagata

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
we’re not gonna take it- twisted sisters
hahahaha. okay.

WHAT IS 2+2?
trying- lifehouse
wahhhhh since when do i have to try to find out what's 2+2??
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
conspiracy- paramore
HAHAHAHA. Audrey sings" and tell me howwww... I LOST MY POWAAAAAAH?!!"

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
sweet dreams- Marilyn manson

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
unbreakable- fireflight

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
the man who sold the world- nirvana

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
cassie- flyleaf

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
beast and the harlot- avenged sevenfold

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
through with you- maroon 5

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
highway to hell- acdc
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! TOTALLY
WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
the theft- atreyu

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
shake it- metro station

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
my heroine- silverstein

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
regrets- 9 oclock

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
jumper- third eye blind

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
reach- eyes set to kill
"silence your harsh words my dear.. my ears are ringing of this, i can't stop thinking of this" and I embarassed myself with that. :S
WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Sunday morning- maroon 5

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
face down- the red jumpsuit apparatus

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
infatuation- maroon 5

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
can’t stop- maroon 5

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
misery business- paramore

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
untitled finale- atreyu
"you put a bullet in my head, turned black thoughts to red, this could all end in tragedy"

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?i kissed a girl- katy perry

lurbchuworx

2009-01-12T09:46:00.002+08:00

like a loner

2009-01-12T09:38:00.002+08:00

there are... 5 people in class now during break. not including me. all made up of the loners who have( i assume) very few friends. Jeez. Is no one in school? well, marcus is, but i only realised that after exhausting all my options. ugh i feel so depressed. hahaha. well at least today's problem is straight forward. I wish John was still in school. I wish someone i'm close to was in school.. :C

HELLO!!

2009-01-09T12:25:00.001+08:00

HELLOOHELLOOHELLOOO!!! it's been way too long. what has it been, weeks? well, i haven't even spoken about my sydney trip, which i intended to blog about like a week or so after i came back, but when i turned on my com the internet was down. :S I would put up photo's with this blog, butttttt. i'm not using my computer, i'm using faiz's computer *waves to fizz*. So, that will have to wait until later. By now i don't remember much about oz, but the zoo was awesome.way way way awesome. They had gorilla's and chameleons!!! and other stuff too lah. the seal show was pretty cool. Didn't like the weather. It was like and cold at the same time, and it made my nose dry. I didn't fancy the apartment much when we got there, but my room was pretty alright. It was just the building that was really run down. The lift especially. right now i'm in the school canteen, i've just skipped my chemistry class. I just couldn't do it. Not with a group that understood to the same level or possibly even les than i do. which is amazing because i hardly understood anything. I guess maybe if i really pushed myself and asked around for information then maybe i'd get it butttttt. i'd have to ask people. not really an option actually. I'm really nervous about grades though. I've been skipping alot and doing badly for tests. hmmm. well, whatever comes will come. I can't change all my stupid mistakes and decisions.

i'm upset.. why do i let this happen to me?

2008-12-12T10:30:00.002+08:00

Well, i've guessed for awhile that bear has "shunned" me. He hasn't been online in forever, i think i've been blocked. I'm not sure why though. Main guess is that it was my angry post, that was quite awhile back.. anyway, seeing him just now with isa kinda confirmed everything. Seeing him was totally uncomfortable, i smiled, and he was looking away trying to avoid looking at me but he noticed me smiling, so he gave me this really weak smile, the kind where he had to force it to come out, it was like he wished we didn't cross paths. Yeah. So onto other news, James left for army this morning, and somehow it made everyone have a "goodbye" mood, because when my dad dropped me off near the bus stop and watched me walk, he horned, and i turned behind and saw them( he and my little brother) waving at me. Which I found mildly amusing. Today i'm flying off to Sydney. I really wish I could leave early and meet john, but i've got that stupid annoying biochem ut later. D: I won't be back until friday night or saturday morning, so until then.. bye.

maybe all i need, in darkness (s)he is all i see.

2008-12-11T11:48:00.005+08:00

HEY. so yeah the last post was crazy. I'm perfect now. :D School's almost over(last day tomorrow for three weeks baby!) WOOOOOHOOO. then i don't have to skip. lol. Anywho, i'm going to OZ tomorrow! so excitingz. the only issue is the amount of money i can bring, whether i should change whatever i saved? no idea. and also i've hardly started packing. I wrote a fairly detailed list/plan of what to bring, and like for clothes, how many dresses and tops and skirts/shorts/jeans to bring. crazy right? I always knew I was a little obsessive compulsive. but i'm happy! because going to oz means I can take lots and lots of photo's to satisfy my recent photo taking deprivation. Actually it's mostly that I can't find a photo I really want to make my dp. damn. yes yes, i'm vain. point taken. i've got two tests, today and tomorrow. ugh. biochem and anatomy uts. motherfucker, I wanted to zao school early tomorrow but i've got that fucking biochem ut that I can't miss.

some things never change.

come and rest your bones with me; Sunday morning-Maroon 5

so many, so many...

2008-12-09T23:37:00.002+08:00

So many things bothering me, getting to my head. Making me sick with worry, and anxious to know the outcome, hoping for the best ending. But of all the things i worry, there's one thing, just one worry i pray doesn't come true. sigh.

my big, stupid mistake.

2008-12-04T16:17:00.002+08:00

so. This morning i had to take bus to school without company. And it's like the first time in months that i'm taking bus to school alone. So anyway, after today's experience, i've proven to myself that i need someone to accompany me on public transport, because I got on the wrong bus. yep. That's right. It wasn't one of those understandable mistakes either, like one digit is off, or the bus model is identical, I mistook 852 for 961. yup. i did i did i did. I kinda got freaked out when it turned into jln jurong kechil. I was pretty damn confident that i was on the right bus up until that point. So i went and asked the bus driver. And he told me i'm on 852, and that i have to stop and take 178 on the opposite side. 178 is really roundabout though, it turned into that road that leads to johor, then went past this place i followed blindfold once for jamming, and then around admiralty, and finally to woodlands. surprisingly i reached the interchange at 8 20.

oh yeah! I did hear some really good news just now though, the timing for year three next year is from 10am to 4 pm. Which isn't all that bad, i have to wake up at 8 the next school year. which isn't so bad. :))

Smoke and Mirrors -Written by Neil Gaiman

2008-12-01T23:09:00.002+08:00

Hey, so I got this book awhile back, i think it was given to me by my older brother and his girlfriend at christmas, and i've read it before, and read some pretty good short stories, but I was quite lazy to continue reading it, but i've started to do so once again, and I wanted to share one of his short stories. Well, here it goes.

"Babycakes"

A few years back all the animals went away. We woke up one morning, and they just weren't there anymore.

They didn't leave us a note, or say goodbye. We never figured out quite where they'd gone.

We missed them.

Some of us thought that the world had ended, but it hadn't.There just weren't any more animals. No cats or rabbits, no dogs or whales, no fish in the seas, no birds in the skies.

We were all alone.

We didn't know what to do.

We wandered around lost, for a time, and then someone pointed out that there was no reason to change our lives. No reason to change our diets or to cease testing products that might cause us harm.

After all, there were still babies.

Babies can't talk. They can hardly move. A baby is not a rational, thinking creature.

We made babies.

And we used them.

Some of them we ate. Baby flesh is tender and succulent.

We flayed their skin and decorated ourselves in it. Baby leather is soft and comfortable.

Some of them we tested.

We taped open their eyes, dripped detergents and shampoos in, one drop at a time.

We scarred them and scalded them.We burnt them. We clamped them and planted electrodes into their brains. We grafted, and we froze, and we irradiated.

The babies breathed our smoke, and the babies' veins flowed with our medicines and drugs, until they stopped breathing or until their blood ceased to flow.

It was hard, of course, but it was necessary.

No one could deny that.

With the animals gone, what else could we do?

Some people complained, of course. But then, they always do.

And everything went back to normal.

Only...

Yesterday all the babies were gone.

We don't know where they went. We didn't even see them go.

We don't know what we're going to do without them.

But we'll think of something. Humans are smart. It's what makes us superior to the animals and the babies.

We'll figure something out

knnbccbsmlj

2008-12-01T14:06:00.002+08:00

I'm totally not feeling well. My stomach hurts. I think it's that damn infection.Seriously, i feel like chopping off that part of me that isn't function. And it's totally fucking up my mood, because right now i just feel like lying on my bed and slowly decomposing. Plus, today's environmental science class is quite shitty.haha, the only thing good is that tomorrow i can retrieve all the photo's from Hadi that we took on saturday, can you say "new facebook DP"? :D

load up on guns, bring your friends

2008-11-29T00:10:00.002+08:00

HEY. i think i've not been here for awhile. Anywhos, I've been really into the lomotion camera's, actually isa got me even MORE into them than i thought possible because we started discussing how awesome they are and how much we want one ( I want more than one though..). Anyway, it sparked alot of stuff andddddd.. I ended up going for first break with him and madi. haha.
YES. And, i found out about a photography flea market taking place at mt Sophia, so I really wanted to go, and so i bumped into hadi on the way out of class and asked him if he wanted to go. and he was like so excited, and i am too! I hope it's not disappointing. I figured I should run it by John first, and when i told him i thought that he was being defeatist for the sake of stopping me from going, but he was cool about it and said that i need some time with my friends. Aww! that's the most awesomest thing you've ever said to me. hahahaha. miss you babe! will call now after i shut down. :))

my heart is yours.

2008-11-25T13:34:00.002+08:00

no matter what, I know i'll always have you.

"will you still hold me when you see what i have done?"

2008-11-25T11:33:00.009+08:00

As much as I always try to convince myself otherwise, I really miss it. I miss performing, i miss jamming, i miss hanging out, i miss the sexual innuendos, i miss keith always asking me to upload photo's for him, i miss watching John perform with blindfold, i miss the dumb games we play when we lepak, i miss those random meets to go break fast or watch fireworks, i miss finding photo's of madi camwhoring in my camera, and so many more things. It's so tiresome trying to fight an internal battle when I know things will never be the same as they were. It sucks.

omg.Gross!

2008-11-21T15:48:00.002+08:00

Like totally, i have like a rash on both legs. No idea what caused it either. Hahaha, it's like in a straight line across my legs. in like a few different spots. Oh! i love atreyu so much now. And escape the fate. the atreyu drummer is like a freaking awesome singer lah!! Okay, I'm so tired at the end of friday. Hmmmmmm. what am i doing on saturday?

2008-11-21T11:23:00.001+08:00

I have nothing to talk about but i feel like blogging.

Hello, it's 10 34 AND...

2008-11-18T22:34:00.000+08:00

i'm updating my itunes playlists. I'm currently obsessed with escape the fate. and craig mabbit, he sings so awesome live!

Blessthefall higinia band spoof

2008-11-18T20:29:00.001+08:00

Situations, are irrelevant now

2008-11-18T19:44:00.003+08:00

hey hey hey. So,
yeah, had alot going on, lots of drama. The thing is, today I was with John going back into school for UT when i saw Isa. and I resisted the urge to call out to him when i did, because I knew John wouldn't want that. Anyway, he saw us so we said hi. Then when I realised he was sitting alone i sort of commented on that to john, that it was antisocial and all to eat seperate when he was sitting there alone. He replied back, "yes, but what if Bear all come?" then I understood. Hmmm. All this animosity, at first i hated it, but i've come to understand it.
When John walked me home, we ended up talking about it, like we always do. Analysing it and ourselves, over and over again( so much for not caring huh babe?). He said that Bear was one of his closest friends, and i asked him, but did bear see you the same way? and he said yes, because he knew so many things that bear confided in him before. Even one comment relating to NEP and Blindfold that hurt and saddened me, but that I knew all along..
You know, I've never said this aloud, because I called her the bitch, but there was this one girl in secondary school who I hung out with alot.. At first it was three of us, then there were two, due to a fight between the other two girls. And we became "best friends". But the thing is, i never really liked her. And when i think back to it, i can't decide whether i had a hidden dislike of her because other people never understood what i saw in her, or because there was always something about her character that i detested. We were friends, but i ended it, sort of like how you would end a relationship with a boyfriend or girlfriend that you don't like, and you give that excuse : "it's not you, it's me.".Yup, that's what i did, and i'm not proud of it, but i've never regretted it once. I still feel disgusted when i look at her, although she's never really done wrong by me. Not that i can remember..
Well, the point of this long-ass story is, I never told her the truth, the real reason why I didn't want to be her friend. And in my opinion, Bear never told John the real reason why he kicked John out.

I still don't get understand what happened.

My weekend :)

2008-11-17T16:46:00.006+08:00

Awesome pouch wallet purse thing my best friend Audrey got me, itZ purdy..

Headbands are so hippy, but i <3 this one. :)

Sweets i bought from the jap sweet shop in central. :D

New shirts and pants from marc by marc jacobs. :DD

haha! i wore this dress out, lol, it looks better on me than on my sister, surprise, surprise..

At YP for weekend trip. First band was okay, second band sucked.

Saturday with baby. :)

Friday night sessions, (INDIE DOGGGG)

---->

Saturday at YP

THAT'S ALL, FOLKS! saturday had it's fill of drama. Sigh. one after another. I gotta study biochem! but now i have no time. :(

ouhhh yahhhhh, i was looking through old videos, so sad, thinking of all the fun i had, and that things will never be the same, now..

The Cat with Hands (2001)

2008-11-15T22:57:00.001+08:00

seriously creepy shit, but must watch.

To whom it may concern.

2008-11-15T22:18:00.002+08:00

Not sure what to say, when so many things have happened. My own feelings are so confused. So many different emotions to this whole thing.
Hurt: Because i've realised that they only hung out with me because John and I were like a package. and now that things are uncomfortable, i'm banished too.

Angry: because i pick up off what John feels.

Sad: because i miss hanging out with them so much...

and with all of this together? It sucks, because i don't know what i want. I wanted to make things the way they were. But it's like fixing two magnets together when they are repelling each other. And i guess i still wish that could happen, but after all this shit, it won't. Slowly, all of John's contacts there will leave him too. Like keith, because it's just too difficult being the space between the two repelling magnets.. and jerome? I don't know. I just wish this would end. Or do i want it to start all over again? and always i'm torn between standing by john's side and supporting him, and wanting their company. I keep trying to fight it but i can't. It's tearing me apart. and my damn cat just sneezed on me. Which actually sums up the general shittiness of all of this. So, goodnight, goodnight, hope that things work out alright.

Bubbles and desiree fight- Little britain

2008-11-14T13:59:00.001+08:00

LMAO

PARAMORE: The Final RIOT! Trailer

2008-11-14T11:25:00.001+08:00

I WANNIT I WANNIT!!!

PARAMORE: Decode

2008-11-14T11:15:00.001+08:00

Singapore Zoo: Zoo cleaner killed by white tigers

2008-11-14T10:40:00.002+08:00

So i received news of this yesterday evening from one of my friends. It's quite terrifying. Basically, A cleaner working for the zoo jumped into the enclosure, carring a pail and a broom, and he swung that broom around at the tigers apparently to agitate them. In the photo above he's covered his head with a pail and is in foetal position. Then, the two tigers were on him and one of them took a swipe with its paw. While all this was happening, there were actualy tourists watching from the viewing area, how crazy is that? The guy was killed, bitten on the neck and a fracture to the skull. But from what i read, this isn't the fault of the tigers but the fault of the cleaner, who wasn't even supposed to be in there when the tigers weren't kept in a separate enclosure to allow the cleaning. Also, it was written that he was acting strange, even hinting at suicide to his co workers. Anyway, here's where i got it all from.

http://www.straitstimes.com/Breaking%2BNews/Singapore/Story/STIStory_302154.html

http://www.straitstimes.com/Breaking%2BNews/Singapore/Story/STIStory_302188.html

Flight of the Conchords :The Hiphopopotamus vs. Rhymenoceros

2008-11-13T17:15:00.001+08:00

HAHAHAHA must watch!

The Theft-Atreyu

2008-11-13T17:06:00.001+08:00

Reformatting and general shittiness

2008-11-13T16:14:00.002+08:00

So, i just had to reformat my computer because of one fuck up after another. Luckily, i had the smarts to save all my stuff in my hard disk, or rather my brother's hard disk. Thank god for that. Because i have way too many songs and way too many pictures to lose. Okay. So i'm supposed to be in class today, but i'm not. And i'm supposed to be in my class doing my chem UT, but i'm not. And i recieved my first E grade in my long life in RP for my 2nd biochem UT. The one i wanted to skip. Sigh.. what's wrong with me? I don't know why, but i just absolutely hate the chem and biochem classes. Anatomy and environmental are bearable at least. Now I have such pressure to at least pass the rest of my chem and Biochem UT's. Fuck. and i just reformatted my computer and i already got the "blue screen of death" and fyi, i really detest windows vista. My error message said it's the cause of my problems, and the startup takes forever, and it's just like a black screen. and now it's pretty laggy.and i have to put all my songs back into itunes, and i was so dumb to put them all in straight from the hard disk without putting them into the computer. plus, all my playlists are gone. Correcting all of this is gonna take forever.

signing off, with a huge sigh,

Ellen.

I Love this song right now

2008-11-09T16:54:00.002+08:00

The theft By Atreyu

He bends and he breaks

If he gives they will take away

His passion, his pain, his grace
He exhales,

A thousand black flowers explode

Into butterflies as they're away
[Chorus:]

Rip them out, take them,

Burn to coals as they crush and leave nothing

That resembles a soul of a man

See him numb, see him crushed (see him numb, see him crushed)

Rip them out, take them

Burn to coals as they crush and leave nothing

That resembles a soul of a man

Leave them numb, leave them crushed (leave them numb, leave them crushed)
Took the fire inside

One too many times

He's burning over and out now,He flails

Up against the raging tides,

No more fights

Everything you ever wanted to see,

See it in his eyes

One more time, one more time
Climb down to test the waters,

My hands feel like they're rusting away, yeah, yeah, yeah,

So I'll pace around like a lamb before the slaughter

I'll stay here as long as you let me,

Decision's been made obvious so I will return

Where I started I'll stay here

When I'm finished I'll whither away

The blood in your veins is twenty below

2008-11-09T16:32:00.002+08:00

cold, so damn cold.

She called me stupid for opening my big mouth without thinking, that I always do it. Maybe, since she accused me of such a thing, I should live up to this accusation and really open my mouth. How was I supposed to know she was lying about leaving the jeans at home? She just said that she did because Dad was around and she didn't want him to know that she's never home. i guess. Not like everyone at home doesn't know she's never around and is a fucking slut. I hate her.

one of the worst sisters EVER.

2008-11-08T22:10:00.002+08:00

I'm so fucking pissed off with my sister. Seriously. My favourite skinnies, and she took them since last thursday, and i haven't seen them with the exception of when she wore them to dinner. I saw her just now, which must've been the first time i've seen her in like 5 days, and i asked her about it, and she basically she's like, "they're at home in my room" like she was angry that i asked. so i'm like, okay, maybe i missed something because i've been checking her room everyday for them. And I just got home awhile ago, so i searched her room for them, thinking she'd just brought them home, then i checked her closet. nothing. I went downstairs to check the laundry. Nothing. In the washing machine, nothing as well. So, i check my own cupboard. NOTHING. fucking nothing. I even checked my brother's cupboard for them. FUCKING NOTHING. It seems like such a small issue, but seriously, it's been building up for so fucking long, and i don't see her for days on end so it's like no point making a fuss everytime something makes me angry, i don't even have the opportunity to tell her that i'm pissed off. It's like, she has no respect whatsoever for my things. She has so many clothes and so many pairs of jeans, yet she still feels the need to rummage through my closet every time she chooses clothes and leaves it in a mess. She has no respect for my things = she has no respect for me right? although i don't entirely blame her, i've always been too afraid of her to speak up. Even though I always knew James has the sharper tongue, somehow i've never been afraid to speak out about my unhappiness or anger towards him, but never with Anne. I feel like her personal welcome mat.. Why do i let her walk all over me? I feel so upset by this but i wouldn't consider asking her about it. But you know, everything about her makes me so angry. When she comes into my room in the middle of the night and takes my air con remote to on hers I feel anger radiating off every cell in my body. When I see my cupboard in a mess when i know it wasn't my doing but hers, i get so pissed off i feel like screaming. Is it so immaterial to be angry about this? Over a pair of jeans? Maybe i hate her for it because they're basically the only flattering pair of jeans i have to wear, and she's thin enough that most things flatter her anyway. I'm at a loss as to what to do now. Should I say she's lying about the jeans? I don't know what to do if she says they're at home and i question her about it again. She'd get angry at me. sigh. she likes to wear my shoes too you know, even though she's a size bigger than me. She stretched out one of my favourite pair, when she has so many shoes already. Good thing she's studying law, because she's possibly one of the most selfish beings I know.

so...

2008-11-07T14:49:00.003+08:00

So i was sort of afraid of any repercussion in relation to what i wrote in the second last post (if you know me you should know that I hate uncomfortable social situations), but now, I stand by 100% what I wrote. Everything can be justified, and something a friend said to me also helped my clarity. "u're always in the middle of a problem, and thing is it is not really yours, it is someone else's and they consult you for help, but in the end, they don't care less, and u are the one worrying.."

Anyway, Moo's been sick with cat flu recently. It's been like a week or so I think. she seemed okay this morning actually, hardly sneezed at all. Last night I had a dream that anne came back with those jeans she took that i've been waiting for, but totally destroyed and she just didn't care. Yes, I struggle with constant issues of inferiority, inadequacy and lack of self confidence. Anywho, moving on from that uncomfortable comment, I'm in class right now, second group's presenting. And i'm starting to get a mild headache. I can't say I understand entirely what's going on today, but I figure i've done enough already. I'm only presenting one slide so i'll just do that AFAP. TOday's problem is about fat, and i feel like i'm being taunted because of all my goddamn excess adipose tissue. Damn you Babe! it's your fault i'm gaining so much weight! *pouts*

some random stuff that i have. :)

2008-11-04T15:41:00.003+08:00

It's not over.

2008-11-04T11:10:00.003+08:00

Well, I've been thinking about this alot lately. I think I've finally found that missing thorn in my side. Talking to Bear agitates me somehow. It makes me angry, that what he did changed everything, and he doesn't care at all. Not like I matter right? The only reason I hung out with them so much is because i'm john's girlfriend. It's not like they ever called me to hang out. So whatever.

It's so stupid how I wanted them to like me so much. And somehow I still do. Writing this now I feel vulnerable because he might see this, or one of them will see it. It's crazy how now it's "them" versus "us". But that time john and i fought over me wanting to go to their gig, I finally saw them in a different light. Yes, they did so much wrong, and they saw that they did (maybe), but they didn't try to fix it. and why should john try to bother making things right? They're the ones that screwed him over. Even Keith! Who I always liked alot as a friend but deep down never trusted completely. He of all people should've stood up for John, no matter how close he is to Bear. He's just afraid of losing his position as vocalist I suppose. So what about his promise to leave if Bear makes any more changes. It's probably an empty promise anyway, so long as he doesn't get kicked out of Blindfold. His actions angered me the most. Because he should have said something. He should of stood up for John like I stood up for Bruce. But he stood to one side like a coward.

Why John didn't see this I'll never understand. And He called them friends. Looking at it in retrospect, if i was anyone of these people i wouldn't have followed their hurtful actions. Bear, Isa, Ahmad, Keith. I told John i would never replace Jerome even if they kicked him out. No matter what. Jerome is my friend, and he deserves more respect. I think, after all this, there's no reason to call them my friends. not really anyway.

Not like they care at all about me. His apology doesn't mean anything now.

There, i got it off my chest.

it's just emotion taking me over

2008-11-03T10:48:00.001+08:00

I'm not sure why, but I feel empty. Don't know how to describe it. I'm not unhappy, but I feel like there's something absent from my life.

PP Poster

2008-10-29T02:52:00.001+08:00

I'm almost done! YAY!!!!!! all i have left is SWOT. Which basically i just have to figure out how to make it look nice because i have all the points already. And i love john so so so so so much for helping me summarise, in fact he did most of the summarising, i just make it look less plain when i was doing the poster. Sigh, i'm so tired, i just want to go sleep. Babe is watching some lame ass sketch show on Star World. Lol. Retarded. I'm here fighting to keep my eyelids open.

Well, it must be difficult. (The Devil Wears Prada)

2008-10-24T11:16:00.002+08:00

I just realised that in my main itunes playlist, most of the songs are, well, heavier than what I used to listen to. There aren't any Beatles' songs, and i have no idea when that happened, and i only have six maroon 5 songs.The bulk of my playlist are Paramore and Flyleaf. haha, it seems like my music taste has really changed alot, because I have little patience for slower songs or those that don't have double pedal in it( i hope i spell that correctly. lol if not john will mock me). haha, I can imagine Audrey immediately in disbelief that I have no beatles' songs in my playlist, she'll probably hate my playlist alot. hahhahaha. is this blasphemy?

p.s. The " The Devil Wears Prada" in brackets in my title isn't referring to the movie, it's referring to a band. :)

Hadi's house!

2008-10-24T10:35:00.004+08:00

some photo's i've just uploaded

2008-10-21T22:26:00.007+08:00

...That's All, Folks!

Prove to me I'm wrong, that you're worthy.

2008-10-20T11:17:00.003+08:00

"How dare you say that my behavior is unacceptable

So condescending unnecessarily critical

You drain me dry and make me wonder why I'm even here

What you are doing is screwing things up inside my head

You should know better you never listened to a word I said

And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams

Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe"

I hope you see this, and understand that at this point i'm at a loss of what to do. I love you so much, it hurts even thinking about it, but I feel like every fight we have, you start. It's like you don't understand that there are other ways to deal with it than to give me the cold shoulder and then get angry at me. It's so hard to communicate with you when you're like this because somehow i'm wrong. I'm always wrong is that it? You should just tell me, talk to me. I have a family too you know, and chinese new year is family time. Furthermore I strongly doubt my parents would let me go overseas during that time, or even with people they're not familiar with. Couldn't you have just asked me for my reasons instead of getting upset? I know you want this, to spend time with me the same way we did during the chalet, but it's my decision too.

I don't know how much longer I can live with this. I need you to stop this, I need you to stop taking out your frustration on me, I need you to change.For us.

i hate UTs

2008-10-17T16:33:00.001+08:00

why do they have to be after school? i'm already so tired from trying to process knowledge the entire day, and this is always the time i have the least brainpower. although, sometimes in the morning when i'm like damn tired then i have no ability to absorb information. Anyway, besides having sucky timing, the ut always asks questions whereby the answer is nowhere to be found in the 6P. The 6P is like damn fucking useless can?

10 Things you may or may not know about me

2008-10-16T21:17:00.003+08:00

1) I have to look in the mirror to check my eye colour, but still can't decide exactly what colour it is

2) I love attention (i.e. i am an attention seeker)

3) when I'm upset or really angry i sit in my room and listen to my ipod really loud.

4) I don't actually know myself very well.

5) when I was 12 i tried to convince my best friend not to hang out with another girl. When the girl found out and confronted me, i blamed it on another girl in our clique, and then i honestly believed that it was her fault. It wasn't. I dislike her until now.

6) I fall in love easily.

7)my favourite movie of all time is interview with the vampire.

8) I can finish a bag of snyder's jalapeno pretzel pieces in one sitting and not feel guilty at all about the calories I've consumed.

9) I've cheated on someone(twice) and never confessed it.

10) I'm very very very paranoid when it comes to falling.

How many of those things did you already know?

God i'm having the most annoying headache.

2008-10-16T15:56:00.002+08:00

Sigh, class just ended. I spent most of it blog-hopping and uploading photo's. I was reading paramore's blog actually, i love how it's actually written by hayley. And i LOOVVEE the photo of Hayley with a septum piercing. It looks so good on her.

ps, it's http://paramoreband.livejournal.com/

a joke

2008-10-16T11:51:00.000+08:00

A business man met a beautiful girl and asked her to spend the night with him for $500. And she did.

Before he left in the morning, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but that he would have his secretary write a cheque and mail it to her, calling the payment “RENT FOR APARTMENT.”

On the way to the office, he regretted what he had done, realizing that the whole event was not worth the price. So he had his secretary send a cheque for $250 and enclosed a note:

Dear Madam:Enclosed find a cheque in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment.
I am not sending the amount agreed upon because when I rented the apartment I was under the impression that:
(1) it had never been occupied;
(2) that there was plenty of heat;
(3) that it was small enough to make me cozy and at home Last night, however, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn’t any heat, and that it was entirely too large.

Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the cheque for $250 with the following note:

Dear Sir, First of all,
(1) I cannot understand how you expect a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely.
(2) As for the heat, there is plenty of it if you know how to turn it on.
(3) Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don’t have enough furniture to fill it, please don’t blame the landlord.

what a shame we all became such fragile broken things..

2008-10-14T16:47:00.005+08:00

fuck fuck fuck! i'm gonna flunk so badly, i left so many parts blank. Anyway, figured i was gonna bomb. so anyway, today i talked to all those people within the nep-blindfold clique that i haven't spoken to in really long and miss, like wanie and keith. WAHHHH miss hanging out with them like so much lah! hahaha, me and wanie even exchanged hp numbers. Then i was talking to Keith about the situation now lah. And also with wanie. Seems like all this isn't making anyone happy. So why is it this way??

We are Broken

I am outside

And I've been waiting for the sun.

With my wide eyes,I've seen worlds that don't belong.
My mouth is dry,

With words I cannot verbalize.

Tell me why,We live like this.

Keep me safe inside.

Your arms like towers,Tower over me, yeah.
'Cause we are broken.

What must we do to restore,Our innocence,And all the promise we adored?

Give us life again,Cause we just wanna be whole.

Lock the doors,

'Cause I'd like to capture this voice.

It came to me tonight,So everyone will have a choice.
And under red lights,
I'll show myself it wasn't forged.

We're at war,We live like this...

Keep me safe inside.

Your arms like towers,Tower over me.
'Cause we are broken.

What must we do to restore,Our innocence,And all the promise we adored?

Give us life again,'Cause we just wanna be whole.

And I'll take the truth at any cost.
'Cause we are broken.

What must we do to restore,Our innocence,And all the promise we adored?

Give us life again,'Cause we just wanna be whole.

okay, so..

2008-10-10T15:42:00.002+08:00

I SKIPPED CLASS! YAYYYY and i started a new folder for all the fred flare stuff that i absolutely love cuz it's so friggin cute. I'm like sitting in the library, msning people that are in class and going " HAHA. i'm not in class! ;P". It just gives me a warm tingly feeling inside, not being in class, but i can't make this a habit. I've already skipped twice in a row. But yesterday i totally sort of understood the ans to the problem statement. sort of. anyway! i'm busy checking out the clothes on topshop's uk website, and i'm getting so eager to go shopping, and at the same time so jealous of all the awesome clothes they have in london. I want to go shopping there with an unlimited supply of moolah. :D

so fucking bored.

2008-10-10T10:39:00.001+08:00

I hate biochem. none of it makes any sense to me. And today's ps is especially troublesome, it has something to do with enzyme kinetics and making graphs. and i have no idea how to make a graph. If there's a point in time during second break when all my teammates are gone, i'm fucking bailing for sure.

Hey, you.

2008-10-09T10:31:00.002+08:00

Since everything fell apart, you've been there for me and i've been there for you. And even though we fought during that process, i couldn't love you more. You should know by now that i'll be there for you no matter what, as long as you still want me.haha, i'm so bad at this heartfelt stuff. you know me, especially after everything i've been through with previous relationships.. But you're filed under a totally new category, and I won't explain more, because I already told you last night. And last night i really didn't want to leave, and talking to you was so awesome. hahaha, but now i can't wait until wednesday. :D

Anne is back from Paris/ London!

2008-10-07T11:33:00.003+08:00

Yeah, so Anne got back yesterday before i got back, and i figured she was home when i got back, because i saw this pair of high tops that were like my size but a little bigger, and james' and tim's feet are like freaking humongous like clown feet. And she brought back presents! the photo's on top is one of the things she got for James. Which is like so fucking funny, i laughed so hard when i saw it, i'm actually surprised she didn't get it for Bessie. She is afterall the cook in the house and us kiddies always use penis jokes on her, like when she asks what we want for dinner, sometimes we say "lan jiao". and she asks where she should get it. lol. Oh yeah, on the back of the box there's a recipe for called 'big balls'.I should try making that for Faiz. hahahahaha. big balls. Okay so anyway, Anne got me a "I heart Paris" shirt, which was so way cool because you don't see that around much, i hate wearing stuff if i see someone else wearing it, or too many people wearing it, unless i really like it alot. Next, imma get me a " I heart Norwegia" shirt. :))

anyway, today i woke up late and took cab to school. and it was planned, because last night i slept late. and was crying again. Like wtf, what's wrong with me? i've been like crying so much recently. :S Yeah, but anyway it's because i was fighting with john again. He got angry, i got angry, yeah. I think it's hard, because I want to talk about what happened, because i'm hoping for reconciliation(which i now doubt will ever happen), so i still talk to Bear and Isa, and it's part of my day right? So i was telling him about it at the end of my day. and talking about it leads to sensitive issues, so i'm not sure what to do about it now. Because I feel like i can't talk about it. But i want to. It still hurts. and sucks like a pornstar giving a blowjob.

I'm really going to miss this..

2008-10-06T14:27:00.017+08:00

John, doesn't that make you sad? It makes me so sad. Seeing how happy we were. I'm going to miss hanging out with them. I think from now it'll be like this big gaping hole that will be too difficult to fill. It's difficult to say whether they were all real friends though. hmmm. i'm really gonna miss wanie, and playing truth or dare, and playing donkey, and that thumb game.. so many things.I actually have so many more photo's, but this was already so tedious, so, maybe i'll add more, or maybe i'll just stop here. not so sure.

Closure.

2008-10-04T01:15:00.005+08:00

Things have been emotionally crazy since last night. First I was comforting John, then now he's comforting me, and i'm trying so hard to hold myself together.. John got kicked out of Blindfold, and NEP closes. but why does it seem like such a synchronised act? I guess after everything's been said and done, there's nothing i can do, and when John first told me that he heard bear is closing nep, i was okay with it. Because lately i've been feeling like i'm quite over it. and it's easy to forget how much i love performing on stage. Even though i'm not that great at it. haha.. I figure it will hit me later, how much i'm going to miss being in a band, but it's okay. i'll just see what comes my way. So anyway, as i was saying, John told me about it, but then later i found out that everyone in the band was told-except me. and i got so upset that i started to cry. Stupid huh? i hate crying. It makes me feel weak and like such a girl. But i'm like that when i'm angry. and the thing is, i'm always the last to know. Bear and bruce are on bad terms but he knew before i did. Bear and john are on horrible terms but john knew before i did. And i was so hurt. These people, that i spent so much time with, hung out with, and lent an ear to, they didn't even tell me! Bear of all of them disappointed me the most, because i listened to him when he had problems, and i thought maybe we were actually good friends, he said to me before that i wasn't like any of his previous vocalists, that he could get along with me so easily, he even told me things he said he wouldn't tell other people. But yet, of all the most important things to tell me, he didn't. He didn't... tell me.. i talked to him though. He said he was sorry. and he told me why he and isa wanted to close nep. same things again i guess. although supposedly not all about bruce. But i think that the timing of nep closing and john getting kicked out isn't a coincidence. Blindfold needed a new member. Taken from within our circle of friends, and that person was isa. There's so much to say actually, but i'm too tired and emotionally drained. but thank you to those people who helped me vent, and James, my brother for noticing that i was upset, and making sure i was fine. And of course John, who threatened me with his pouting whenever i started crying,and making me laugh. :)

Remember, every cloud has a silver lining. I've found out who the people i can trust are.

Hola!

2008-09-29T23:40:00.002+08:00

Okay, so lately i've been feeling like I haven't had proper balance in my life. Like in relationships,between friends, family, best friend and boyfriend. Hahahaha. i can imagine Audrey nodding her head so furiously until her head falls off. I mean, I love my bf terribly, but i don't understand why everytime i'm in a relationship i get so boyfriend crazy. Everytime i ...(okay wait, pause game, my vaj is numb.) so as i was saying, everytime my friends make plans, and i keep saying no, because i'm meeting john. None of which is his fault by the way. I don't get myself though, i see what i'm doing so clearly everytime I do it, but I never stop myself. Seriously i'm a sucky friend. and right now i'm wishing for someone to tell me otherwise. But hey, if i can't defend myself who will? The only person i can think of is Audrey, who's stuck by me through everything, but since when have i returned the favour? hmmmm. although, her emotional dilemma's are totally different from mine. I almost wish that I could be like her, because i know that for her it's chicks before dicks, or family before dicks, whatever makes you happy, and i would be there for any of my friends if they really needed me, but the thing is it seems to be only when they really need me. OR when i really miss them. I'm sorry Aud, I don't know what to say, because I have no proper excuse for why i've been so distant, please please please make plans with me okay? because i'm like so weird that i think saying something in my head to you is equivalent to actually contacting you ( nuts, i know!).

Other than that, i've been really afraid for whatever comes next. I just can't get into my modules. It's like if it's easy to get(like today), I think it's too easy so i'm not bothered reading my research, or it's tough like chemistry or biochem and i try to get it and ask my teammates, but i give up and can't be bothered learning. The in between of course is environmental science, which currently requires only prior knowledge and common sense, so that's not much of an uphill struggle. But anyway, I know communication and stuff in that general direction is what comes easily to me, but then again I can't see myself doing anything related to that. I really want to learn about animals. But i don't see yet how most of my modules are going to get me to that goal, and i would use that as an excuse for me switching off, but it's not. I'm just not motivated. Jeezus. I'm into the fourth week and i've skipped every module once, and skipped two of my four modules twice. and if i skip anymore it'll cut into my grade. So i need about.... 12 weeks of perfect attendance? Fuck..

Test over!

2008-09-23T16:44:00.003+08:00

yeah, that kinda sucked. Anyway, i left so briefly earlier, but i had less than a minute before the start of my test, which was anatomy and physiology. And on thursday i have biochem. At least i won't be changing class like today. The test used this guy, doctor four eyes. which i thought was pretty dumb. A&P students would know what i'm talking about. sorry my sentences are short, i'm like fucking tired. My brain isn't working properly. So i'm forming my sentences really short. yeah. Yesterday i had a fight again with John. Which was so stupid, and as it turns out, all i needed to do was pout and he started smiling. so i just kept doing it. hahaha. now i know. Skipped class yesterday to go out, and i went to go find the Katy Perry CD. HMV didn't have the album, but i found an album which only has the song that i like. So how could i complain? maybe i'll buy the album once it hits the shelves. Oh yeah! my pp was approved( as i said earlier). But now i have to prepare the posters for my poster presentation. PP is a serious bitch. And how am i supposed to do the poster? with crayons, markers, glue and colour pencils? :P

but that's okay, my will is good

2008-09-23T16:14:00.000+08:00

PP finally approved! Yay. brb, UT.

lovesick melody(it's gonna get the best of me tonight)

2008-09-21T22:11:00.005+08:00

:D gonna call you now.

Excursion!!

2008-09-18T22:34:00.003+08:00

Okay, so, today i had an excursion for my environmental Science lesson, which i was totally excited for, because there's never been any out of school excursion for me since i've been in RP, and it's actually kinda unheard of. Anyway, here are some of the photo's.

Staring at some skinny-ass tree.

Hindhede Quarry, seriously cool.

Camwhorin', Kaye, Babi 1, Babi 2

Monitor lizard that stopped when i took photo's

Then, we climbed up this crazy slope, i don't think i've been up such a long and steep slope.

anyway, we were coming down when i was thinking that i didn't really see much animals. then at the bottom of the slope there were many many monkeys. Or long-tailed Macaques

her nipples touch.... (tries to pull boobs together) x)

FRED FLARE! FRED FLARE! I HEART FRED FLARE!

2008-09-18T22:34:00.002+08:00

okay, so i was supposed to blog about my birthday yesterday,which was like awesome btw, cuz i went to the zoo. hahaha. bet ya'll are laughing at me now. yuppppp. laugh all you want people. Once i get the photo's downsized i'll post em up.

Anywho, i was checking out this artiste, Katy Perry, then i found her website cuz youtube was being annoying and i couldn't watch the video, which is below,
and then i found her blog. And she talked about this brand she likes called fred flare, with the website and all there. yup. so i checked it out, and they have so much cute stuff! :( but they don't ship here.and i'm too lazy to save and upload the photo's cuz i'mkindarushingfortime.
http://www.fredflare.com/customer/product.php?productid=4406&cat=309&page=1
http://www.fredflare.com/customer/product.php?productid=3271&cat=283&bf=cto#
http://www.fredflare.com/customer/product.php?productid=4255&cat=366
remember the hamburger phone from juno?
http://www.fredflare.com/customer/product.php?productid=3757&cat=309&bf=hs
but i swear the camera's are the coolest
http://www.fredflare.com/customer/product.php?productid=3791&cat=402
then there are gossip girl tees
http://www.fredflare.com/customer/product.php?productid=4090&cat=253

woah woah woah love love love

oh yeah, and babe, keep your promise okay? :) i love you.

Oooh you touch my Tralala.

2008-09-13T23:19:00.003+08:00

hmm. my birthday's coming soon. I'm finally gonna be 18. I don't see how being 18 really changes anything for me, except those pesky M18 movies. I hardly drink, i don't smoke, i don't go clubbing. So, i'm not really gaining anything am i? i'm just getting older. Gah. I feel so old.Ouh yah, for those of you reading who don't know when my birthday is, i ain't telling you. haha, go check Facebook or friendster or bang a wall. :D

ANYWHO, my com's being a bitch. It's laggy as hell. Not sure why. I'm like crazy impatient, but i never really see a real issue until the important things won't function. Met John today. ( :D :) <3 ) hahaha, i'm just waiting til i turn 18 yeah babe? hahahaha. okay so no one else knows what that means, so.... nevermind. I met Audders later. hahaha. we went shopping as usual. didn't hang out enough. sigh.. speaking of shopping, tomorrow i'm going birthday shopping with my mumsy!!!!! YEAHHHHHSSSSSSSSSSSS. Okay i sound like a typical bimbo-shoppingfreak, but hey, i love shopping especially when i don't have to pay for it.Eclectisism, topshop and Quintessential HERE I CUMMMMMMMM! :D

hello, that's all i have to say. so, bye for now.
oh.
oh.
oh.
oh.
oh!!!!!!!! wait yeah my uncle got me a beatles monopoly set for my birthday. fuckin' awesome!willpost photo's of it when i can be bothered to.

i'm so sick of band problems.

2008-09-12T11:11:00.002+08:00

I will break into your thoughts
With what's written on my heart
I will break, break
I'm so sick, infected with
Where I live
Let me live without this
Empty bliss, selfishness
I'm so sick
I'm so sick

If you want more of this
We can push out, sell out, die out
So you'll shut up
And stay sleeping
With my screaming in your itching ears

I'm so sick, infected with
Where I live
Let me live without this
Empty bliss, selfishness
I'm so sickI'm so sick

Hear it, I'm screaming it
You're heeding to it now
Hear it, I'm screaming it
You tremble at this sound
You sink into my clothes
This invasion makes me feel
Worthless, hopeless, sick
I'm so sick, infected with
Where I live
Let me live without this
Empty bliss, selfishness

I'm so, I'm so sick
I'm so sick, infected with
Where I live
Let me live without this
Empty bliss, selfishness

I'm so (I'm so)
I'm so sick (I'm so sick)
I'm so (I'm so)
I'm so sick (I'm so sick)

Seriously, i'm so tired of the constant drama, it never ends. And i'm either kept in the dark or wedged in the middle. I don't want Bear to quit, and i don't want Bruce to be kicked out. Seriously, if this continues i'll just threaten with quitting. Maybe then they'll know how it feels. Vocalists are easy to replace right?

PP cue scary shark music

2008-09-09T15:53:00.003+08:00

Okay. so I finally submitted my report yesterday, with many many fears of it being rejected. Then, i got an email saying that my report needed rework, and i was nervous about what that was(the email doesn't give details), so i went to the pp student portal to check. this is what I saw: "have a proper content and cover page". Then i emailed my faci, asking her to elaborate on what are the things i needed to rework. and she said,

" Do a formal cover page and you are missing a content page. It should give you a breakdown of your report."

.....HOW IS THAT ELABORATION???!

and p.s, i so am not missing a content page. It just wasn't numbered. lol.

love ya, dude!

2008-09-08T14:05:00.002+08:00

Happy (sort of belated) birthday dude!

long time no see

2008-09-04T12:41:00.002+08:00

So. i haven't written in awhile. Lots has happened. although, somehow i can't really remember what i did during the holidays. All i know is that i've hardly done any of my project. which somehow i'm incapable of doing on my own.

Anyway, today's the first day of my second semester. And this semester, i have four class. All of them within the same block, but everyday a different class,and one day i'm on a different floor. Be prepared to hear some insanely embarassing story about me heading to the wrong class. I'm trying to think of the positive side of having four classes, but so far i've come up with exactly nothing. My teammates today are better than i expected though, they're pretty friendly, especially this one malay girl. now i'm missing john terribly. i really want to see him, but i have to do my ppt, and i'm afraid that if i meet him i won't want to leave. haha. somehow since yesterday it's like my affection for him tripled. :D

Flight Of The Conchords - Jenny

2008-08-22T23:02:00.001+08:00

lol. funny shit. xD

hello!

2008-08-22T14:11:00.002+08:00

i want to start doing pp but i can't. FUCK FUCK FUCK

Figs is gone, Anne took him a few days ago, like in the morning at 5 am, and she woke me up to say bye to him, and i did, but only for awhile cuz i was damn tired. I'll miss him like crazy, and i already do, but i knew i couldn't keep him anyway..

FUCKING AWESOME LAHHHH

2008-08-20T00:39:00.001+08:00

i've had my taste of orgy

2008-08-19T23:15:00.004+08:00

HELLO! yes! I MET ORGY BABY! hahaha, i went over to her house after doing PP with john in the afternoon in school. She was studying though. :( and the thing is i haven't seen her in so long, but i didn't realise how much i missed her until i was there. DUDE! :D i miss you! hee hee we went into her room and then she was showing me her new undies and then i put them on her head, then she put another pair on mine, hahahahaha we look so retarded.

LUBXS CHOOXS WORZXZZZZ!

:'(

2008-08-19T23:12:00.003+08:00

K, i know nobody likes those freaky peta loving people that are so obsessed about everything from meat eating to fur wearing, but this is really upsetting to me.
Learn more at MarsCandyKills.com. see the video top right corner.

I DON'T KNOW WHY..

2008-08-19T00:12:00.000+08:00

i don't know why i'm so restless right now, i either feel like kicking something, drawing something, writing something, or showering.

(SORRY BABE I HAVEN'T THOUGHT TO CALL YOU YET)

HOLIDAYS.

2008-08-18T23:48:00.002+08:00

damn, holidays came so quick. hmm yeah. uhhmmmmm haven't updated much, right now my biggest small issue is that dad wants to send figs to the spca tomorrow if he's not already gone, like WTF?! seriously, okay i get that he's upset that i keep pushing back the day figs is leaving, but there were so many unexpected things. Now i have to ask Anne to give figs to someone. But really, is it so terrible having him around? he's still small, so he hardly takes up any space, and he doesn't directly affect dad in any way, i mean, i take care of him! i've lived up to those responsibilities at least, so why the rush to kick him out of the house?? I think it was dumb of me to give the deadline so early, and then keep pushing it back without any prior notice or warning, but i knew they'd get upset, and i didn't think dad would really take such drastic measures. Bringing figs to the spca most definitely equals death, and what's the point of that when i rescued him so that he wouldn't suffer that fate? it makes me so angry and frustrated thinking about it, because i've put myself in his shoes, and all at once i understand yet i think he's being utterly unreasonable. Anyway, on to much lighter things, today i met john in the afternoon. Hahaha. funny, we missed each other so much that we just made plans without really making any solid plans. We just got onto any empty bus and had no idea where we would stop. haha. so we got on 961 which was pretty empty and sat at the back. Totally PDA. he's getting cheekier. haha. WE got off at the end, which was kallang and then went to city hall, where we went to carl's and thennnnnnnn millenia walk to candy empire. and i bought white choc with sprinklz! yay me. :DAfter that we met keith and bear at bras basah and like, did nothing. as usual. But it was fun, as usual. hahaha.

Lately, as in the past few days, i've been forced to think about what i'm going to do in the future. But the thing is, the future really scares me. I wish i could just fast forward to the band chalet and just stay there and never move forward in time. Growing up scares me. Getting closer to year three scares me. Getting closer to the end of poly scares me. I have no NS to delay my time. I figure i know what i want to do, but i know getting to that point won't be as easy as i picture it in my head. Will i even be able to get a spot there? and then i was thinking about what type of life i should follow, one where i'm happy but not rich, or one where i'm rich and not happy? it's always one or the other right? although i strongly believe that being too rich is a curse, no matter how much i covet ultimate riches. But for now, let me tell you a secret.

i have no idea what i'm doing.

events

2008-08-15T14:29:00.023+08:00

Hmm. Hey. I'm in the school library now, i started on my PP, but now i'm like having a study block because i totally couldn't be fucked to continue with PP. so i'm blogging.

there was.... jamming on wednesday and a (sort of) band outing yesterday. i'll just post photo's for the outing. So, wednesday. John picked me up from the bus stop because he overslept and was late. hahaha. surprisingly i had patience. Then met up with bear and then headed to beat merchant where we met Ameer, then we waited for the rest to come. Jamming was surprisingly fun. Other than playing the usual songs we played some that were out of the ordinary, like ex's and oh's, emergency and my heart, which showed clearly that we're not just playing for the sake of playing, we're having fun doing it too. playing my heart was so effing awesome, i totally want to play it for art rock. :D i hope the rest of them will play. they don't seem to like paramore much so i'm just keeping my fingers crossed. We went to eat after that and then headed over to Bras basah, then i went home at six plus. The cab was friggin 18 bucks lah!!!! D: so by thursday i didn't have much money left.

anyway, thursday photo's are above

i can see clearly now, the rain is gone

2008-08-12T22:46:00.002+08:00

well, i think maybe related to what i talked about in my last post, things are looking up. It went from Bear wanting to quit, to Bear wanting to kick out Bruce, to him reflecting and deciding it's selfish to choose either of those options, because he realised how it would affect the band. Anyway, tomorrow is the band meeting plus jamming. So, see how lah. Anyway, today was the last day of school, so after class most of us that were left over decided to continue with our plan of playing block catching.No, we didn't catch blocks, we played catching in one of the school blocks. And it was really awesome. we had like four floors to work with, and marcus and i started off as catchers.zheng kai was the first person i caught, and he was like cornered because marcus was already chasing him, his reaction was hillarious.. hahahahahaha. and then after that it was alot of cat and mouse chasing, and i was caught by Bao ling at the staircase after running away from the other catcher, wtf.. lol. she was like standing at the staircase when i ran up. and then when i was catcher i just stood around in the centre of one of the floors, and waited for a group of them to come up, then i ended up catching marcus. He was of course taken by surprise and tried to run, but i think he tripped over his own feet. HAHAHAHA. later after all of that we took afew pics. John didn't get to send me home today. :C miss him like so much lah! haha.

Never ending problems

2008-08-11T14:04:00.002+08:00

So, the name really holds true. Everything's like damn fucked up now, and i can't help but be upset about it. Most definitely Bear will quit. In fact i know he will, because some part of me feels that he's dragging up all these issues because he just wants blindfold and not nep. somehow his pattern is pretty constant. with his previous bands i mean. and somemore i was afraid this would happen when I joined and found out about his past bands. I guess i can't blame everything on him though. It's very fucked up now. very very.I sent this long ass sms to Bear the night he told me that his problems are no longer just with bruce, but with everything. and i ended up crying while typing everything out and thinking what to say, i guess i'd been holding it in that whole time. somehow everything i relate to nep upsets me now. can't even listen to drown the city. then i went to the nep myspace. haha, i was wondering what it'd be like when it's no longer there. Then i saw blindfold's comment on the page. so i followed, and seeing their page made me angry. the feeling surprised me. I mean, i love the guys, and i think they're awesome, but this part of me hates that they even started. I hate that HSW started too. The only things that make me happy are John and Figaro( who's this stray i picked up recently), but i have to give Figs away. :'(

Moodswings

2008-08-05T15:35:00.001+08:00

I AM SO PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW.
fuck you fuck you FUCK YOU!

Hello, i love you won't you tell me your name?

2008-08-04T21:54:00.002+08:00

HEY

better make this a quickie, i think john is calling me at 10, and that boy is always early. Not that i'm complaining, but him being early always makes me late. which i'm so not used to. so anyway, today's rDNA lesson was painfully boring, then Amir came in and said he's bailing class, so eventually i followed. There wasn't much incentive to keep me in class. So, before i left class i went to the toilet, where Bruce called me. funny he should call when i'm peeing huh? ANYWAY, he started talking about everything and complaining and all that stuff. So on the way downstairs i talked to him more, then Bear called and we planned to meet at the interchange. So all the way out i was talking to bruce, trying to help him see the other perspective, because, like bear, he thinks he's 100% right and 0% wrong in the matter. anywho, Bruce asked me if I would leave if Bear quit, and i said yes, i would, i'm closest to Bear right now anyway what. then Bruce said, "okay, i'll try to work it out reasonably, but if i do and for any reason he still quits, then will you stay?" and basically that's what he said and he was like saying that even if he talks to bear reasonably, and bear still wants to quit, then i would stay in the band, and i said okay, as long as i see everything is reasonable lah.

Then, i met Bear. Which is like a first, going out with Bear and Ahmad, for once just me and them going out as friends and not with John as well, because normally it's me+john and them. So we talked about the whole nep situation, mostly me and bear, and Bear was like being super petty lah, hahaha. although i don't entirely blame him. It's all alot of things that i don't really remember, but i said to him that bruce was willing to reach some sort of compromise, and i kept asking/begging him to just try and settle things properly, and he said he couldn't because he's the kind that will hold a grudge forever. Eventually towards the end of the train ride he promised me that he would try to work things out for me. Which meant alot actually, i hope he can hold up his end. Seems like it'll be tough, but i guess if they can both try, then what harm could it do? I think most of the damage has already been done, and as a band we can only go up from here if everything can be settled. Well, we'll see how things go.

hey baby. :))

i had a

2008-08-01T11:23:00.002+08:00

dream. About a crazy gerbil that bit me and wouldn't let go. and it was huge, and really crazy and it was strong too. wierd.

that's all folks!

Whatever doesn't kill you simply makes you stranger.

2008-08-01T10:33:00.003+08:00

Yeah. So Chanel's been bothering from my last post up until yesterday. Yesterday, was the cherry on top of her recent insecurity. She called me twice, and i didn't pick up, so she sent me this, " hi ellen. seriously, if you're with him, just let me know. please don't lie to me again. if he chooses to be with you, then i will back off for good."

...Seriously? Am i so stupid that i would go back to him? I don't even want to see him again! and if i did wish to see him again it would be to give me the chance to tear him to pieces. and I never lied to her about seeing him. She asked, i told. So i said that to her. and she was like, "yeah i forgot, it was him who lied." DUH. anyway, she thinks he's cheating. I think, that instead of being insecure and accusing me of things i will never do, she should just dump his sorry ass. He wasn't that great anyway. Easily forgotten. but whatever, she has some great love for him so she can't just break up, because she hopes that he will change. like he promised. He won't. or maybe he'll take a long time to change. I don't know if they change, i'm still figuring that out. Anyway, she's going to spend years feeling insecure while her feelings slowly ebb, and at the end of it all, she'd have wasted all her time and effort, and for what? She'll only end up jaded and unable to trust guys again.

other than that, band issues again. Same thing, but i'm too tired to explain everything. it's kind of upsetting though. But i guess every cloud has a silver lining.

you know what it's like when you're new to the game, but i'm not.

2008-07-29T21:44:00.004+08:00

HELLO! long time no see. I had nothing to blog about i guess.

ANYWAY, art rock 2 is happening soon, if you don't know what that is, it's basically the sequel of the first gig i performed in nep. :D should be fun, now that i actually know most of the people. The only problem is, now as a fully functional member, i actually have to sell tickets. Anyone free on the 30th aug?

Other than that, today I had a very productive chemistry lesson about reaction rates. mmm hmm, and i already had background knowledge, so mostly it was revision and a little learning. We had pizza too, during second break, reminded me of that time in W46C. Alot more camwhoring that time in 46C though. hahaha. and the pizza finished off like really quickly. within 20 minutes.

you know, i've been procrastinating about starting my pp, and i figure once i start then i can get momentum going, but even though i keep worrying about it, i just can't get myself to start doing it. gah. Oh yeah, Bruce and Bear are still having issues, they seemed to interact fine just now though, despite what both of them say. They're both so stubborn though, i think if more stuff comes up, nothing will be resolved, because neither end wants to lose face.

omg! this morning around 1am, some fucker called me 8 times! and it was some number i didn't recognise, then i messaged the number in the morning asking who it was, and then i got a reply later. It was Chanel. Asking whether Arif had been contacting me. Seriously, how she can stay with that lying cheating asshole is beyond my comprehension. And of course her contacting me brought up some anger. But whatever, I have a new bf now. :D HEY BABY. ahahahahahaha. oh yeah, then when i was on my way home, i fucking saw er qing from my bus lah! don't know if she saw me. lol.

lithium

2008-07-24T21:33:00.003+08:00

I'm so happy 'cause today I've found my friends ...
They're in my head
I'm so ugly, but that's okay, 'cause so are you ...
We've broken our mirrors (Alt: We broke our mirrors)
Sunday morning is everyday for all I care ...
And I'm not scared
Light my candles, in a daze
'Cause I've found god
Hey, hey hey
I'm so lonely, but that's okay, I shaved my head ...
And I'm not sad
And just maybe I'm to blame for all I've heard ...
But I'm not sure
I'm so excited, I can't wait to meet you there ...
But I don't care
I'm so horny, but that's okay ...
My will is good
Hey, hey hey [x6]
I like it - I'm not gonna crack
I miss you - I'm not gonna crack
I love you - I'm not gonna crack
I killed you - I'm not gonna crack
I'm so happy 'cause today
I've found my friends ...They're in my head
I'm so ugly, but that's okay, 'cause so are you ...
We've broken our mirrors
I like it - I'm not gonna crack
I miss you - I'm not gonna crack
I love you - I'm not gonna crack
I killed you - I'm not gonna crack

damn it, what's with hot guys and killing themselves? :C

what got me into this mess that devoured me?

2008-07-24T16:48:00.003+08:00

I'm so troubled right now, and it's all my fault. I feel so stupid for what i did, and i can't take it back. I couldn't even focus on my ut, she was right to scold us. What were we expecting when we came back to class after skipping her class? I've got this heavy feeling in my heart, i haven't said a word since she scolded us.Now it actually reminds me of something that happened in secondary school.gah. half of me wishes i could take it back, and half of me regrets it. All i can think about is how to say sorry. I don't dare tell it to her face.

you know i can't smile without you.

2008-07-21T12:06:00.000+08:00

HEY. i learnt how to scream. woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
well it's kinda on and off, but i guess i have it. so i'm like happy now. :D and i finally met audrey for awhile yesterday, i think i'll meet her again on tuesday night if she's free.hmmmmmm. alot of people have been asking me about whether my band is breaking up, and i said that i don't know. We're not doing anything like that right now, but i know that it's only a matter of time. Still, i'm hoping for the best.

Hayley williams.is amazing.

2008-07-18T22:11:00.001+08:00

for the sake of it

2008-07-15T12:47:00.004+08:00

well, i had this feeling that there's something i wanted to blog about, but i just can't remember what. So right now i'm talking for the sake of it. Hmm. Anne and mum left for Norway on saturday. oh yes, and i wanted to talk about nep.

Well, Bear has another band called blindfold, and from everything i hear, and everything i see going on, i know that sooner or later down the road he'll leave nep to continue with blindfold. So i'm just waiting for the bomb to drop. I wanted to say that they shouldn't divide their priorities by having more than one band to commit to. I mean, what if there is a possible gig for both bands on the same day, but you can only choose one? what do you decide? do you not go for both, or does one trump the other, or are there factors that affect your decision? It's a tough question to ask, and i'm afraid of the answer.

Anyway, it's not my place to ask Bear to stop the other band, because for one thing, without him, i wouldn't even be doing what i love to do. Perform and sing. I think i'll just ride it out and silence my fears. Besides all of this, i'm afraid of Bruce. And how the things he says will affect the rest of us. I mean, if Bear leaves its like the death of nep.

Well, i'm happy for the experiences and the times we've had so far, nothing good lasts forever right? It's precisely what scares me the most.

i think i love you.

The love runs deeper than my bones

2008-07-14T13:38:00.003+08:00

hey hey hey!
uhm. so the only thing i wanted to blog about is saturday, i went jamming. the first time in like, how long lah. we had an audition before that though, which was pretty okay, although i doubt we'll get in, because our music wasn't exactly crowd friendly. They were pretty freaked out when Bear screamed, and by the looks on their faces, they were surprised that I would play in a post hardcore band. One of them looked really familiar though. I think he was at the salad days competition. Anyway, jamming was two hours, like fucking long lah, towards the last hour my voice kept breaking. which was not cool at all because the mic picked up everything. and bear gave me his 0.0 face. I was so mortified the first time it happened that i just stopped singing until later in the verse. Or chorus. can't remember. then..

We went upstairs to slack, and then I was sitting with Wani and John, and i didn't realise all of my other bandmates were away until they all came back. They'd had a band meeting. Then they stood next to me, some behind me i think, and then isa was like asking bear to tell me and said "i scared she cry lah", and they kept pushing responsibility from one to the other, so i figured they were going to talk to me about me pushing my voice too much like gcp said to jerome. But then bear said," Ellen, sorry ah, you're no longer our sessionist." and i'm like, " okay." ( i figure i had this sad look on my face), then he said he hadn't finished speaking yet, and then he said, that i'm now their vocalist. and I immediately exploded, and i'm like WTF HOW COULD YOU DO THAT!!!!??!!!!!! CBAIIIIIIIII!!
oh.
and we had pizza later. hahahaha.

i'm alive, i'm alive.

2008-07-10T22:12:00.002+08:00

okay first i have to say how much i hate computers and technology in general. You know, we who are imperfect should not try to create things which are (supposed to be) perfect. because we're not. and we fuck up. and having all this technology is like a mirage of perfection, so when everything else in life is fucked up, then at least there's something that's perfect that you can rely on. but that's not the case. Technology is as fucked up as the person that makes them.

okay.

so this is actually kinda too fussy for what my problem is. hahaha, it's like one problem after another. And i can never just settle for what i have. When it comes to my issues, whether social or computer-wise, fixing things always makes them worse. So, first it was msn that was wonky. Then my wireless kept switching on and off, but the internet was still relatively okay. Then today, my vpn completely couldn't connect. So i went to it helpdesk to go fix it. But now the vpn makes my internet really fucking slow.and you all should know by now(and if not i'm telling you now), that i have absolutely no patience. It's not one of my virtues, bitch.Don't judge me.

Other than that, i've been fairly happy. I sort of have a new guy in my life. :)))) anyone who knows me, would see him and figure that he's not my type. and i thought so too at first, but i really like him. like alot. more than i ever thought i would. See people? i'm not so shallow after all. It feels right, being with him. Everything feels so comfortable, and besides that, i look forward to seeing him, and I love spending time with him. so yeah. :D i'm happy.

But then, just when i start getting happy and in my own place, band drama started. And it's actually alot of stuff, which i think i should just keep between bandmates, so i won't talk about it here. It amazes me, who actually reads this blog.

music wise, not like any of you care, but i do. Anyway, right now i'm really into flyleaf. The female vox screams. Which I really want to learn so I can update myself. But i'm digressing. Anyway, I bought their self titled album, and i'm still listening to it. The ipod video is a godsend, it stores my entire music library. :DD the acoustic versions of "all around me" and "fully alive" are the shizz.

WAH.

2008-07-04T11:49:00.003+08:00

I haven't blogged in so long. lol. so long that now i don't know what to say. ahahaha. i guess the most exciting thing that happened recently was the love triangle. Well i guess it's sort of a love triangle. Two guys like me and i only like one. Kinda sucked. shouldn't mix social issues with band issues right? anyway, it's difficult to remember exactly how upset i felt, because now thing are back to normal(for now, anyway), but i was upset enough that i left class just before 3rd meeting and was just thinking about what the hell i was going to do about the whole thing. nothing much's been going on, i still haven't started on my project. sigh.

for once life is fair.

2008-06-29T00:30:00.003+08:00

BEFORE

AFTER

Hayley, who i've always admired for being skinny, is like bigger now. People say she's preggers. But hayley says no.of course. but like, yeah, omg people say i've lost weight man. :D

shit i'm so shallow

SHIT.

2008-06-27T13:51:00.001+08:00

i really really really want to skip my test after school. i mean, i was looking through the 6P's and i totally didn't get anything. And i figured maybe if i work hard after this to try and understand the problem statements then i can rake up a better grade for the last UT. But then, when it comes to rDNA apparently everything is related. So what i learned last week i'll use next week. It's a vicious cycle. And i really regret skipping those lessons. Anyway, i selected my modules for next sem already. and i decided to take anatomy and physiology. I figure it'll be fairly simple. Enough of genes and DNA already. but seriously! to skip UT or not to skip? :S

HELLO MUDDUH ASSHOE

2008-06-26T14:39:00.001+08:00

OI JOHN STOP READING LAH! if not i'll start pouting. :(

Everybody sing like it's the last song you will ever sing.

Andre.

It was time for a change

LMAO

hello, hello, hello how low?

Emotion overload

Back to school

Zoo job

Back from the dead

I LOOOOVVVVEEEE CHEMGUIDE!

so fucking tired. :C

some things I should have foreseen.

I'm so tired....

i kissed a girl- katy perry

lurbchuworx

like a loner

HELLO!!

i'm upset.. why do i let this happen to me?

maybe all i need, in darkness (s)he is all i see.

so many, so many...

my big, stupid mistake.

Smoke and Mirrors -Written by Neil Gaiman

knnbccbsmlj

load up on guns, bring your friends

my heart is yours.

"will you still hold me when you see what i have done?"

omg.Gross!

Hello, it's 10 34 AND...

Blessthefall higinia band spoof

Situations, are irrelevant now

My weekend :)

The Cat with Hands (2001)

To whom it may concern.

Bubbles and desiree fight- Little britain

PARAMORE: The Final RIOT! Trailer

PARAMORE: Decode

Singapore Zoo: Zoo cleaner killed by white tigers

Flight of the Conchords :The Hiphopopotamus vs. Rhymenoceros

The Theft-Atreyu

Reformatting and general shittiness

I Love this song right now

The blood in your veins is twenty below

one of the worst sisters EVER.

so...

some random stuff that i have. :)

It's not over.

it's just emotion taking me over

PP Poster

Well, it must be difficult. (The Devil Wears Prada)

Hadi's house!

some photo's i've just uploaded

Prove to me I'm wrong, that you're worthy.

i hate UTs

10 Things you may or may not know about me

God i'm having the most annoying headache.

a joke

what a shame we all became such fragile broken things..

okay, so..

so fucking bored.

Hey, you.

Anne is back from Paris/ London!

I'm really going to miss this..

Closure.

Hola!

Test over!

but that's okay, my will is good

lovesick melody(it's gonna get the best of me tonight)

Excursion!!

FRED FLARE! FRED FLARE! I HEART FRED FLARE!

Oooh you touch my Tralala.

i'm so sick of band problems.

PP *cue scary shark music*

love ya, dude!

long time no see

Flight Of The Conchords - Jenny

hello!

FUCKING AWESOME LAHHHH

i've had my taste of orgy

:'(

I DON'T KNOW WHY..

PP cue scary shark music